I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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