i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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