the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize