There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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