I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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