I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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