I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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