Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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