I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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