who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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