The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize