I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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