i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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