Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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