I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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