Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize