Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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