I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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