YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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