i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize