So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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