Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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