he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
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He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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