I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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