So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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