woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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