sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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