oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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