think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize