Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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