Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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