This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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