be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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