When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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