you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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