Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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