I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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