I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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