so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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