dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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