Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have post one night stand depression
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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