I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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