I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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