he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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