chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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