Sponge bath it is.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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