My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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