i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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