i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize