Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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